Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

 Another link post because of Nano. I blame all things on Nano. Makes my life easier.

Anyhow, I adore this list, The The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord. Every time I reread it, I crack up, literally laughing out loud. (How many times do you type lol and not actually laugh? Yeah, I actually laugh. Hubby looked at me like I had three heads. Non-writers just don't get writers sometimes).

Here are a couple of my favorites:

My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.


Erin O'Riordan said...

Dr. Evil would do well to follow these guidelines.

Cute. It made me smile, but it never made me LOL.

Unknown said...

These are so funny! I'm going to go and read the rest. Thanks for posting.

Colene Murphy said...

Bahahaha! Wise wise words. Will definitely check out the whole list! Thanks!

Unknown said...

Ha! These are great. I especially like that first one. So now we're all prepped and to take over the world, yes?

Talli Roland said...

Love this, Nicole! I agree: shooting is never too good for enemies.

Missed Periods said...

Those are all hilarious.