Monday, September 5, 2011

The Door flash piece

 I hope everyone had a great weekend and Labor Day! Tomorrow, I'll share all the details about my amazing birthday weekend. For now though, I'm participating in my first ever Campaigner challenge. From Rachel Harrie's blog:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!
 Sounds like fun, right? Well, my story is exactly 200 words and opens and close with "The door swung open." (I know it doesn't end with shut but opens fits with the story.) I hope you like it! If you do, click here to vote for mine! I'm #70.

 The door swung open. Simon entered the stuffy attic and sneezed. He wiped the snot on his sleeve and glanced around.

He opened the closest trunk. To his disappointment, there were only old clothes inside.

A loud rumble of thunder sounded, and Simon jumped, almost hitting his head on the low ceiling.

Toward the back of the attic, Simon found a tiny trinket box on a small, round pedestal. A bright, red light shone, radiating from a stone nestled on the soft velvet material inside the box.

The attic door opened, and Simon slammed the box shut and whirled around. "Hi, G-grandpa."

"Whatcha doing?" His grnadpa puffed from his pipe, and smoke encircled around his head.

"N-nothing."

Grandpa smiled and winked. He nodded toward the box. "There are some treasures up here, that's to be sure. But sometimes, treasure comes with a price." With that, Grandpa turned around and left.

A price? Simon didn't like the sound of that. He hurried after his grandpa and closed the attic door behind him.

But he couldn't stop thinking about the stone. A short time later, he found himself near the attic door. Would the price be worth it?

The door swung open.

44 comments:

bridget said...

I like it. It's so cool to see what everyone does. I'm #72

Abby said...

OOOOOOOOOH! Me likey! Very, very good and I'm so impressed that you made it exactly 200 words!

Kharisma Rhayne said...

Thanks for dropping in from the group...I'm testing the waters as well---writing just about everything lately :)

Richard said...

Nice, Nicole. I'm a new follower and fellow campaigner. Your story...well, I want to know what happens next. It's that good.

Tracy Krauss said...

Very nice! I'm not sure I have time for the challenge but I'm going to try ... I'm following you now, as part of the platform campaign. Cheers.

L.G.Smith said...

Good scene! I'm so envious of all you quick writers who already have your fiction work done for the challenge. I have yet to have a moment to sit down and do it. Hopefully this evening. :)

Nice to meet you!

The Golden Eagle said...

I have to wonder what the price will be! And what the stone is . . . great piece!

Jen Daiker said...

I expect nothing less from you! Pure awesome! Truly gifted fabulous!!

I'm glad to hear you had a fabulous birthday weekend, but now I can't wait to hear all about it!

allie said...

You've aroused my curiosity with this little tale. I'd love to find out what happens next. Well done. :)

Alleged Author said...

What an ominous thing to say to your grandson! :P

Elana Johnson said...

Excellent! Love the one-liner from the Grandpa. It's so, so true.

Nadja Notariani said...

My fifteen year old son and I are reading some of these posts...We both love yours! We want to know what happens...lol. Great take on the challenge. We also like that the door opens at the end, opposed to closing. It almost seemed to beckon the boy back. ~ Nadja

Lori M. Lee said...

Ooh, very reminiscent of the beginning of an epic fantasy :D

Christine Rains said...

Great job! It does fit to have that as the ending. I do wonder what's up there and what the price will be. I love the mystery!

storytreasury said...

Great story. I love the symmetry of it.

Theresa Milstein said...

This sounds like a seed to an excellent adventure!

Kimberly said...

Great story. I wonder what that jewel in the trinket box is all about...

Angie Cothran said...

I'm totally intrigued :) What happens next!?!? Great job.

Gretchen said...

I'm with Angie what happens next. I want to know, what is the price and is it worth it?

1000th.monkey said...

Sounds like a good beginning to a MG story :)

Enid Wilson said...

Ah, he can't resist the temptation...I think he may be in for some trouble.

Every Savage Can Reproduce

Wendy G. Ewurum: Blog Author said...

It remand me of one of my favorite quotes: The only thing I can't resist is temptation....and of course that always leads to our detriment doesn't it...LOL
Thanks for the visit and I really like the piece you just did.

Creepy Query Girl said...

Very nice Nicole! You have me wondering about the suite!:)

inluvwithwords said...

Hi Nicole. Great piece! I'm a fellow campaigner in the short stories group stopping by to become a new follower and say hello.

Ruth Hartman Berge said...

Great set-up! I'd love to see what happens next!

Madeline Bartos said...

So mysterious! I'm curious as to what happens next. Awesome entry, well done. :)

Nice to meet you, by the way. I'm in your dystopian group, and I'm finally getting around to introductions. (A little late, but nonetheless!)

David Powers King said...

Good question! What was the price worth, or was grandpa just messing with his head? Awesome entry, Nicole! :)

lindy said...

Great voice, and I like the way you incorporated the door at the end. Sweet!

Deana said...

This is the kind of stuff you need to keep on reading Nicole. I'd love to know if he goes in:)

Matthew MacNish said...

What a fun piece. I love how it comes full circle.

Damyanti said...

Love the repeated sentence for the beginning and the end. My entry goes up tomorrow.

Would like to invite you and your readers to take a look at the The Rule of Three Blogfest ---a month-long extravaganza in the fictional town of Renaissance this October, with some great prizes, comment love, and of course, a lot of exposure and constructive feedback for your writing.

You write in so many genres, this would be right up your alley...for me I would love me some fantasy romance at Renaissance :)!

rebeccaenzor said...

But... I want to know what the price is! IS it worth the treasure? Great hook :)

Jocelyn Rish said...

I definitely want to know more! I like the detail of wiping snot on the sleeve - it really grounds the the action and makes it very real.

kelly said...

nice. Loved how it comes around again.

Cheryl said...

Nice story, with a nice twist on the challenge at the end, with 'the door swung open'. I wonder what the price is...

thepatientdreamer said...

this is very cool. Gosh I do love your blog, love the look.

Alica McKenna Johnson said...

ooohhhh- pick it up pick it up

Sharon said...

I think the price is worth it, but why do the things that entice us have to come at a price!

Kerry Freeman said...

Great story! I love how it begins and ends with the door opening.

Doreen McGettigan said...

I like it...I love attics!!

http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

Susanna Leonard Hill said...

Very nice! I liked your twist. Temptation is hard to resist :)

Christine Danek said...

Oh now I want to know what happens! Nice job!

Holly Vance said...

I always appreciate a writer that can capture the child's voice. Well done.

Crystal said...

What an intriguing story! I'd love to see where it goes. Good job.

Fellow group 18 Campaigner (I'm also #165 in the submissions)