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Monday, September 5, 2011

The Door flash piece

 I hope everyone had a great weekend and Labor Day! Tomorrow, I'll share all the details about my amazing birthday weekend. For now though, I'm participating in my first ever Campaigner challenge. From Rachel Harrie's blog:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!
 Sounds like fun, right? Well, my story is exactly 200 words and opens and close with "The door swung open." (I know it doesn't end with shut but opens fits with the story.) I hope you like it! If you do, click here to vote for mine! I'm #70.

 The door swung open. Simon entered the stuffy attic and sneezed. He wiped the snot on his sleeve and glanced around.

He opened the closest trunk. To his disappointment, there were only old clothes inside.

A loud rumble of thunder sounded, and Simon jumped, almost hitting his head on the low ceiling.

Toward the back of the attic, Simon found a tiny trinket box on a small, round pedestal. A bright, red light shone, radiating from a stone nestled on the soft velvet material inside the box.

The attic door opened, and Simon slammed the box shut and whirled around. "Hi, G-grandpa."

"Whatcha doing?" His grnadpa puffed from his pipe, and smoke encircled around his head.

"N-nothing."

Grandpa smiled and winked. He nodded toward the box. "There are some treasures up here, that's to be sure. But sometimes, treasure comes with a price." With that, Grandpa turned around and left.

A price? Simon didn't like the sound of that. He hurried after his grandpa and closed the attic door behind him.

But he couldn't stop thinking about the stone. A short time later, he found himself near the attic door. Would the price be worth it?

The door swung open.
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44 comments:

  1. bridgetSeptember 5, 2011 at 4:16 PM

    I like it. It's so cool to see what everyone does. I'm #72

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  2. Abby FowersSeptember 5, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    OOOOOOOOOH! Me likey! Very, very good and I'm so impressed that you made it exactly 200 words!

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  3. Kharisma RhayneSeptember 5, 2011 at 4:23 PM

    Thanks for dropping in from the group...I'm testing the waters as well---writing just about everything lately :)

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  4. writing and living by Richard P HughesSeptember 5, 2011 at 4:25 PM

    Nice, Nicole. I'm a new follower and fellow campaigner. Your story...well, I want to know what happens next. It's that good.

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  5. Tracy KraussSeptember 5, 2011 at 4:37 PM

    Very nice! I'm not sure I have time for the challenge but I'm going to try ... I'm following you now, as part of the platform campaign. Cheers.

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  6. Luanne G. SmithSeptember 5, 2011 at 5:24 PM

    Good scene! I'm so envious of all you quick writers who already have your fiction work done for the challenge. I have yet to have a moment to sit down and do it. Hopefully this evening. :)

    Nice to meet you!

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  7. Golden EagleSeptember 5, 2011 at 6:17 PM

    I have to wonder what the price will be! And what the stone is . . . great piece!

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  8. UnknownSeptember 5, 2011 at 6:19 PM

    I expect nothing less from you! Pure awesome! Truly gifted fabulous!!

    I'm glad to hear you had a fabulous birthday weekend, but now I can't wait to hear all about it!

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  9. SylviaSeptember 5, 2011 at 6:27 PM

    You've aroused my curiosity with this little tale. I'd love to find out what happens next. Well done. :)

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  10. Alleged AuthorSeptember 5, 2011 at 7:40 PM

    What an ominous thing to say to your grandson! :P

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  11. Elana JohnsonSeptember 5, 2011 at 7:42 PM

    Excellent! Love the one-liner from the Grandpa. It's so, so true.

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  12. Nadja NotarianiSeptember 5, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    My fifteen year old son and I are reading some of these posts...We both love yours! We want to know what happens...lol. Great take on the challenge. We also like that the door opens at the end, opposed to closing. It almost seemed to beckon the boy back. ~ Nadja

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  13. Lori M. LeeSeptember 5, 2011 at 9:02 PM

    Ooh, very reminiscent of the beginning of an epic fantasy :D

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  14. Christine RainsSeptember 5, 2011 at 9:16 PM

    Great job! It does fit to have that as the ending. I do wonder what's up there and what the price will be. I love the mystery!

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  15. AnonymousSeptember 5, 2011 at 9:32 PM

    Great story. I love the symmetry of it.

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  16. Theresa MilsteinSeptember 5, 2011 at 9:36 PM

    This sounds like a seed to an excellent adventure!

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  17. KimberlySeptember 5, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    Great story. I wonder what that jewel in the trinket box is all about...

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  18. Angela CothranSeptember 5, 2011 at 11:13 PM

    I'm totally intrigued :) What happens next!?!? Great job.

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  19. GretchenSeptember 6, 2011 at 12:08 AM

    I'm with Angie what happens next. I want to know, what is the price and is it worth it?

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  20. 1000th.monkeySeptember 6, 2011 at 2:18 AM

    Sounds like a good beginning to a MG story :)

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  21. Enid WilsonSeptember 6, 2011 at 6:43 AM

    Ah, he can't resist the temptation...I think he may be in for some trouble.

    Every Savage Can Reproduce

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  22. AnonymousSeptember 6, 2011 at 7:50 AM

    It remand me of one of my favorite quotes: The only thing I can't resist is temptation....and of course that always leads to our detriment doesn't it...LOL
    Thanks for the visit and I really like the piece you just did.

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  23. Creepy Query GirlSeptember 6, 2011 at 8:10 AM

    Very nice Nicole! You have me wondering about the suite!:)

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  24. Ruth SchiffmannSeptember 6, 2011 at 8:58 AM

    Hi Nicole. Great piece! I'm a fellow campaigner in the short stories group stopping by to become a new follower and say hello.

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  25. ruth.the.writerSeptember 6, 2011 at 6:21 PM

    Great set-up! I'd love to see what happens next!

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  26. AnonymousSeptember 6, 2011 at 6:41 PM

    So mysterious! I'm curious as to what happens next. Awesome entry, well done. :)

    Nice to meet you, by the way. I'm in your dystopian group, and I'm finally getting around to introductions. (A little late, but nonetheless!)

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  27. David P. KingSeptember 6, 2011 at 6:54 PM

    Good question! What was the price worth, or was grandpa just messing with his head? Awesome entry, Nicole! :)

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  28. lindySeptember 6, 2011 at 8:46 PM

    Great voice, and I like the way you incorporated the door at the end. Sweet!

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  29. DeanaSeptember 6, 2011 at 9:37 PM

    This is the kind of stuff you need to keep on reading Nicole. I'd love to know if he goes in:)

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  30. Matthew MacNishSeptember 7, 2011 at 7:41 AM

    What a fun piece. I love how it comes full circle.

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  31. UnknownSeptember 7, 2011 at 11:04 AM

    Love the repeated sentence for the beginning and the end. My entry goes up tomorrow.

    Would like to invite you and your readers to take a look at the The Rule of Three Blogfest ---a month-long extravaganza in the fictional town of Renaissance this October, with some great prizes, comment love, and of course, a lot of exposure and constructive feedback for your writing.

    You write in so many genres, this would be right up your alley...for me I would love me some fantasy romance at Renaissance :)!

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  32. AnonymousSeptember 7, 2011 at 1:02 PM

    But... I want to know what the price is! IS it worth the treasure? Great hook :)

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  33. Jocelyn RishSeptember 7, 2011 at 7:27 PM

    I definitely want to know more! I like the detail of wiping snot on the sleeve - it really grounds the the action and makes it very real.

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  34. kellySeptember 7, 2011 at 9:02 PM

    nice. Loved how it comes around again.

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  35. CherylSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:14 PM

    Nice story, with a nice twist on the challenge at the end, with 'the door swung open'. I wonder what the price is...

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  36. AnonymousSeptember 8, 2011 at 3:41 AM

    this is very cool. Gosh I do love your blog, love the look.

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  37. Alica McKenna JohnsonSeptember 8, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    ooohhhh- pick it up pick it up

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  38. Sharon ClareSeptember 8, 2011 at 4:12 PM

    I think the price is worth it, but why do the things that entice us have to come at a price!

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  39. UnknownSeptember 8, 2011 at 8:08 PM

    Great story! I love how it begins and ends with the door opening.

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  40. Doreen McGettiganSeptember 9, 2011 at 1:35 AM

    I like it...I love attics!!

    http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

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  41. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 9, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    Very nice! I liked your twist. Temptation is hard to resist :)

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  42. Christine DanekSeptember 10, 2011 at 8:40 AM

    Oh now I want to know what happens! Nice job!

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  43. Holly VanceSeptember 10, 2011 at 11:22 AM

    I always appreciate a writer that can capture the child's voice. Well done.

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  44. CrystalSeptember 13, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    What an intriguing story! I'd love to see where it goes. Good job.

    Fellow group 18 Campaigner (I'm also #165 in the submissions)

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The more comments, the better!