tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post2146137530737366646..comments2024-03-21T08:24:26.083-04:00Comments on Where Fantasy and Love Take Flight: Contest PostNicole Zoltackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-25962921410608149922012-05-28T09:56:09.190-04:002012-05-28T09:56:09.190-04:00Like others have commented, I also love the concep...Like others have commented, I also love the concept of a young girl who believes in God, finding out she's actually answering her own prayers. Yikes! That would be quite a traumatizing revelation in and of itself! <br /><br />Great premise - I'm totally intrigued! Good luck, Nicole!Jessa Russo https://www.blogger.com/profile/07061996967428020722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-45886814781797628882012-05-28T02:13:49.195-04:002012-05-28T02:13:49.195-04:00Sounds awesome. Good luck!Sounds awesome. Good luck!E. Arroyohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06634213563563094173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-58704625909476588742012-05-28T01:33:56.827-04:002012-05-28T01:33:56.827-04:00I love the twist of her answering her own prayers!...I love the twist of her answering her own prayers!<br /><br />I don't really have anything to offer up for improvement on your query and 500 words, everything is nice and solid. Good luck!Rebekah Loperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09910220361720811916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-33260355011218509032012-05-28T00:52:34.710-04:002012-05-28T00:52:34.710-04:00I love your template! I love your story, too! And ...I love your template! I love your story, too! And I hope I get a chance to read the rest of this story soon:)<br /><br />I did notice a typo. "her blond sideswept" should be "blonde"Ink in the Bookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03117718811407968345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-15590302128356368072012-05-27T23:53:43.483-04:002012-05-27T23:53:43.483-04:00Hi Nicole!
I love this premise, and the first 500...Hi Nicole!<br /><br />I love this premise, and the first 500 words were interesting and made me want to read on.<br /><br />Well done, and good luck!Larissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08874147599272424056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-85562007390482477862012-05-27T23:33:27.929-04:002012-05-27T23:33:27.929-04:00I love the idea of this. Good luck!I love the idea of this. Good luck!Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00368485571268832781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-36127612306047479062012-05-27T19:19:13.178-04:002012-05-27T19:19:13.178-04:00Intriguing opening.
I have to agree with the com...Intriguing opening. <br /><br />I have to agree with the comment that missing the bus doesn't seem that catastrophic. It almost seems too petty to pray about. Unless there's some more pressing reason why she can't be late. <br /><br />I like the query.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-15140006301279546902012-05-27T16:40:00.100-04:002012-05-27T16:40:00.100-04:00You have a great premise and your writing flows so...You have a great premise and your writing flows so smoothly! Nicely done! <br />I laughed at the part about the hair brush still in her :) <br />Good luck!Hope Robersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16877380868985454894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-16991780212401054102012-05-27T05:31:39.213-04:002012-05-27T05:31:39.213-04:00I've seen your query before in another contest...I've seen your query before in another contest and thought it was interesting then, too :)<br /><br />This is the first time I've seen your first 500 though so I'll mention a couple of things I noticed that you might want to edit before you submit.<br /><br />1) In the first paragraph, you provide the MC's full name. This didn't feel natural though because she wouldn't refer to herself by her complete name, she's just think of herself as Crystal, right? So, I'd save her last name for somewhere it makes more sense - like a teacher doing roll call or her parents addressing her when they're upset with her, etc.<br /><br />2) Missing the bus doesn't seem like such a big deal - can you up the stakes for this to make it more interesting? Like, if she misses one more time she's going to get detention and then she won't be able to do xyz or something? That strong need/desire for the bus to wait for her would make her use of magic more believable, because otherwise, she'd be unintentionally using it all the time and would never be late, right?<br /><br />3) The scene break between the first two scenes was a bit jarring, imo. Instead of a scene break, maybe you could have one or two sentences of transition from the bus into the classroom?<br /><br />Hope that helps :) Best of luck!A. K. Fotinos-Hoyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16954824461425569495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-84378686442277003202012-05-27T04:26:04.335-04:002012-05-27T04:26:04.335-04:00I really love your blog background is just gorgeou...I really love your blog background is just gorgeous!<br /><br />Very nice entry. I found myself wanting to read on. Best of luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09678216576112327332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-73894123834196344612012-05-27T00:31:35.300-04:002012-05-27T00:31:35.300-04:00Great query, Nicole! I love the premise. It sounds...Great query, Nicole! I love the premise. It sounds really interesting. The writing's very clean and fluid. You might want to consider starting with a little more kick! Good luck on the contest :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-50296598251592742802012-05-27T00:19:37.962-04:002012-05-27T00:19:37.962-04:00Hi Nicole, I'm so glad you entered! I really l...Hi Nicole, I'm so glad you entered! I really like the premise, a Christian girl who realizes she's answering her own prayers. Very cool. I found the first 500 to be a little slow, but I think it has promise.Sharon Baylisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17361550815860670756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-20553533419664770162012-05-26T23:30:02.395-04:002012-05-26T23:30:02.395-04:00Great first 500! Good luck with the contest.
I h...Great first 500! Good luck with the contest.<br /><br />I have an award for you.Tonjahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08652479946102909276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-27820448729431085862012-05-26T22:11:40.720-04:002012-05-26T22:11:40.720-04:00Nice bumping into you again! I read this for The W...Nice bumping into you again! I read this for The Writer's Voice contest. Is your query different? It was perfect - tight, read well, intriguing. I also enjoyed reading your first 500. Good luck to you in this contest!Kimberly Gabrielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05588782441929008886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-58785409897887299742012-05-26T22:02:55.260-04:002012-05-26T22:02:55.260-04:00Love your query, but LOVE the last paragraph more ...Love your query, but LOVE the last paragraph more lol<br />You got a great premise there. <br />Good luck!Juliana Haygerthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18028869545185578038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-72944087564867721252012-05-26T15:29:38.274-04:002012-05-26T15:29:38.274-04:00Some of this brings me back to high school.
I lik...Some of this brings me back to high school.<br /><br />I like the paranormal premise.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-32809535163562789112012-05-26T07:45:18.560-04:002012-05-26T07:45:18.560-04:00I love how you tightened everything. Great job! It...I love how you tightened everything. Great job! It's a lot easier to "stay in" the query now and get the meat of things.Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-74433582019896555682012-05-26T03:55:03.875-04:002012-05-26T03:55:03.875-04:00Oh, and I love your blog's template!! :)Oh, and I love your blog's template!! :)Jade Harthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13222077919322049845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-8169347354811428862012-05-26T03:54:45.360-04:002012-05-26T03:54:45.360-04:00I thought your premise was great :) Wish I had unl...I thought your premise was great :) Wish I had unlimited magic :) Your voice for Crystal was good too. Good luck :)Jade Harthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13222077919322049845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2955575393345766322.post-39808558059945799162012-05-26T00:18:28.420-04:002012-05-26T00:18:28.420-04:00Great read. I don't know how I'd feel find...Great read. I don't know how I'd feel finding out I'd been conceived with the help of witches. Crystal felt very real. Especially the math problem, that felt a little too real :DAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04419944234795666194noreply@blogger.com